Ogden Nash

ELEVEN POEMS BY OGDEN NASH
(presented alphabetically by title)

1. ARTHUR
   There was an old man of Calcutta,
   Who coated his tonsils with butta,
   Thus converting his snore
   From a thunderous roar
   To a soft, oleaginous mutta.
2. THE DOG
   The truth I do not stretch or shove
   When I state that the dog is full of love.
   I've also found, by actual test,
   A wet dog is the lovingest.
3. THE FLY
   God in His wisdom made the fly,
   And then forgot to tell us why.
4. THE HIPPOPOTAMUS
   Behold the hippopotamus!
   We laugh at how he looks to us,
   And yet in moments dank and grim,
   I wonder how we look to him.
   Peace, peace, thou hippopotamus!
   We really look all right to us,
   As you no doubt delight the eye
   Of other hippopotami.
5. THE HUNTER
   The hunter crouches in his blind
   'Neath camouflage of every kind,
   And conjures up a quacking noise
   To lend allure to his decoys.
   This grown-up man, with pluck and luck,
   Is hoping to outwit a duck.
6. THE LAMA
   The one-l lama,
   He's a priest;
   The two-l llama,He's a beast.
   And I will bet
   A silk pajama
   There isn't any
   Three-l lllama.
7. THE PANTHER
   The panther is like a leopard,
   Except it hasn't been peppered.
   Should you behold a panther crouch,
   Prepare to say Ouch.
   Better yet, if called by a panther,
   Don't anther.
8. THE PEOPLE UPSTAIRS
   The people upstairs all practice ballet.
   Their living room is a bowling alley.
   Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
   Their radio is louder than yours.
   They celebrate week ends all the week.
   When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
   They try to get their parties to mix
   By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
   And when their party at last abates,
   They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
   I might love he people upstairs wondrous
   If instead of above us, they lived just under us.
9. THE PIG
   The pig, if I am not mistaken,
   Supplies us sausage, ham, and bacon.
   Let others say his heart is big-
   I call it stupid of the pig.
10. THE TERMITE
    Some primal termite knocked on wood
    And tasted it, and found it good!
    And that is why your Cousin May
    Fell through the parlor floor today.
11. TO MY VALENTINE
    More than a catbird hates a cat,
    Or a criminal hates a clue,
    Or the Axis hates the United States,
    That's how much I love you.
    I love you more than a duck can swim,
    And more than a grapefruit squirts,
    I love you more than gin rummy is a bore,
    And more than a toothache hurts.
    As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
    Or a juggler hates a shove,
    As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
    That's how much you I love.
    I love you more than a wasp can sting,
    And more than a subway jerks,
    I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
    And more than a hangnail irks.
    I swear to you by the stars above,
    And below, if such there be,
    As the High Court loathes perjurious oaths,
    That's how you're loved by me.

And, for those interested, find these and more on my Geeklist at BoardgameGeek.